Happy Birthday Luke!
by brightstarinthenight
Summary: For those people who have never seen a Luke birthday, here is what I think it should be like...JAVAJUNKIE ALL THE WAY! :D Chapter 3 UP!
1. The Gilmore Girls Win Once Again

**Extremely Exciting and Helpful Disclaimer (or EEHD)**

**I do not own anything in this story (unfortunataly). It all belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino. (Sorry if I spelled that wrong), and to whomever else involved in the making of Gilmore Girls. I'm just having fun! Thankyou very much. :D**

**P.S.**

**Cough cough I'm not sure when this story takes place, or where in the Gilmore Girls storyline it falls, but as far as I can make out os far, seeing as I'm not done with it yet, it's sometime in the second or third season when Rory is about 16 or seventeen. Will make up Luke's age later. :) This is the first time I've written a story in chapters...let me know what you think! (What you really think, not what you want me to think you think I think you think. I think...) Sorry if that confuses you, but if it makes you feel better, it confuses me, too. :)Thanks for all the reviews on my first storyl; I hop ya'll will like this one, too! Happy Holidays...**

**P.P.S.Sorry about all the smileys and parenthesesz, I guess I'm just a bit of an annoying writer. :D**

"Let me get this straight, it's Luke's birthday?"

"Yup. Didn't I tell you?"

"Uh, let me think, NO!" Lorelai sat at the counter, frowning at her daughter. Rory shrugged apologetically, and took a sip of her coffee.

"Well, I just found out last night, give me a break." Lorelai dejectedly plopped her face down onto the counter. If she listened hard, Rory found that she could hear a muffled sound coming from her mother's direction. Leaning in closer to hear what her estranged mother was saying, a smile played at the corners of her mouth.

"What was that? I can't hear you…" Lorelai groaned, and lifted up her head enough so that Rory could see the freaked out look on her face.

"I said, what am I going to get him? It's his birthday. I forgot that Luke had birthdays! I mean, it's been three years since we came here, and I've never said happy birthday to him once. What must he think of me? I never thought about Luke having a birthday, because…well he's Luke. He doesn't celebrate things, and he rarely smiles…" _Though when he does, it's really special…_Lorelai shook her head.

"I mean, what do I do now? What should I get him? It has to be something good, so it'll make up for all the birthdays I missed. Help me!" Rory laid a hand on her Mom's shoulder, seeing that Lorelai was starting to get a little panicky, and was starting to babble louder and louder. If she didn't shut up, Kirk was going to come over to see what the commotion was about, and God knows they didn't want _that_ to happen.

"Mom, calm down. I know exactly what to get him!" Lorelai looked skeptically at her daughter.

"What?" Rory grinned.

"Well, we all know how much he would hate a birthday party…unless you were there." Lorelai frowned, and wrinkled up her nose.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rolling her eyes, Rory looked around to make sure Luke wasn't anywhere near, and leaned in closer, trailing her sleeve in the plate of French fries in the process.

"You know what it means."

"Nuh uh."

"Yes you _do_, you're just being stubborn!"

"I'm _never_ stubborn!"

"There's the understatement of the day." Luke had just walked up in front of them carrying a pot of coffee, and trying not to smile, because that would ruin his rugged demeanor. Although every time he saw the Gilmore girls, especially Lorelai, it slipped a few notches anyway. Covering up the half grin that had escaped unbidden, he poured coffee into their waiting mugs. Lorelai smiled up at him, an expression that made him extremely nervous, because it usually meant she was up to no good.

"Hi, Luke," Lorelai said in a rather loud sing-song voice. "Happy Birthday!" Luke started and glanced around nervously, holding his gaze fearfully on the table where Patty and Kirk were sitting. Luckily, they were too busy stuffing their faces with blueberry pancakes to notice what Lorelai had said. Turning back towards Lorelai, Luke leaned over the counter, dropping a fork in the process.

"Don't _say_ that!"

"What…you mean HAPPY BIRTHDAY?"

"SHHHHHHHH!"

"Okay, okay. Geez, don't have kittens." Rory giggled, loving the banter between her Mom and Luke every day. It sure was entertaining, especially late on a Saturday afternoon, when there was nothing on TV. Leaning her head on one hand, Rory watched Luke sigh in annoyance, and sit down next to Lorelai, every now and then darting glances around the diner to make sure that no one could hear them.

"Okay, this is for both of you. Do not, under any circumstances, tell _anyone_ that it is my birthday. Anyone at all."

"You won't get birthday presents, then, or a party, or anything!" said Rory. Lorelai just rolled her eyes and sighed loudly.

"That's kinda the idea."

"But Luuuuke!"

"Luuuuuke!" Lorelai mimicked Rory, managing somehow to sound even more annoying than her daughter. Luke fearfully glanced at Patty, who had turned her head towards them in lightning-quick anticipation of good gossip, but when he glared at her, she meekly turned back towards her pancakes, thinking that now was not the best time to be thrown out of the diner. Lorelai sniggered at the exchange, and took a big gulp of her coffee, enjoying making Luke uncomfortable. Whoa, he was starting to look sort of panicked, though, maybe she should tone it down a bit.

"Alright, Luke, we won't tell on one condition."

"What?"

"You have to tell us why you hate your birthday." Luke sighed, looking defeated.

"Fine. I don't like birthdays because they're stupid, and sadistic, and make me feel extremely uncomfortable, what with the singing, and all of that disgusting cake and ice cream, and noisy people." Lorelai and Rory sat there shocked, with their mouths hanging open. Luke could really see the family resemblance. Rory shook her head in astonishment, and looked confused.

"But Luke, those are all of the _fun_ parts!"

"Yeah!" Luke frowned.

"You aren't going to tell anyone about it being…" He leaned in closer and whispered.

"_My birthday…_are you?" Rory tilted her head, and got a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Mom, may I speak to you behind my menu, please?" Lorelai grinned, and began absentmindedly twirling a piece of her hair, which was making it very it hard for Luke to stay mad at her. He inwardly groaned; that was probably why she was doing it.

"Of course!" Lorelai held out her hand imploringly.

"Menu please!" Luke dully handed it to her, wanting to kill her and kiss her at the same time. Rory and Lorelai commenced their behind-the-menu conversation, occasionally saying things like, "Ah HA" really loud, to make Luke jump. After an eternity, the menu was lowered.

"We, the Gilmore council, have reached a decision.", said Rory with a very serious expression on her face. Lorelai cleared her throat, and picked up her coffee mug, taking a deep gulp and daintily eating a French fry, one tiny bite at a time. Luke couldn't stand it anymore.

"What?" Lorelai cleared her throat again.

"We won't tell anyone it's your _you-know-what_, if you come to our movie night at eight, and bring coffee and a good attitude."

"Aw, geez!"

"Okay, okay, you don't have to bring the good attitude. But we are very serious about the coffee."

"And," said Rory before Luke interrupted with,

"There's _more_?"

"As I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted, you also have to come without the hat."

"WHAT?" Lorelai and Rory collapsed in giggles, as Luke's frown grew even more profound and he crossed his arms.

"No." Lorelai sighed dramatically, wringing her hands and sticking her lower lip out in a pout.

"NO!"

"Okay, you've forced us to do it." _So much for toning it down..._She stood up, pulling Rory with her, and repeatedly cleared her throat loudly until the few people eating in the diner looked at her.

"Attention everyone, we have an announcement to make." Shepeeked over at Luke, who was standing theregripping a basket of fries in his hands andfeeling like he was in a bad dream, and grinned. She then looked back at the customers.

"Beloved townspeople, men, women, and children...weshould all say a hearty congratulations to Luke. It is a very special day for him, being that it is his…" Here she stopped and took a deep breath in case she was forced to continue, glancing at Luke. Luke, finally giving up like he always ended up doing, mouthed the words, "Okay now please stop!" at her, to get her to quit humiliating him. Lorelai grinned, nodded in approval, and turned back to the crowd.

"Today is his one thousand, eight hundred and twenty-seventh day of knowing me and Rory, which makes it a little more than five years of giving us coffee!" The group of small town people looked at Lorelai, looked at Rory, looked at Luke, and then burst into applause, with an occasional weak whistle from Kirk, and a lot of shouts of congratulations. As the applause died down, Lorelai and Rory took a bow.

"Thank you! Thank you very much, to quote Elvis-may-he-rest-in-peace!" said Lorelai. She and Rory than sat back down on their bar-stools, crossing their legs and resuming the consumption of their coffee and fries, all the while looking at Luke expectantly.

"Alright, I give up." Luke sighed again, nervously adjusted his backwards baseball cap, and pulled out his notepad to write down the customers orders, all the while thinking of the night to come and hoping it wouldn't be too horrible…


	2. The Milk Is Alive!

**Hello everyone! Sorry this took so long to update...I've been real busy, and had a** **severe case of writer's block. I almost died... s0b Anyway, more is coming real soon, and enjoy the javajunkieness! By the way, I'm not real sure when this story takes place...it all came from my imagination. Sorry if that's confusing...**

**BrOwNiEs FoReVeR**

**Britt**

**Shout Outs**

**x.kromediva.x****: Thankyou so0o much! **

**totaltvjunkie****: Thankyou! This is mostly gonna be in Luke's point of view, so that should make all of the Luke fanatics happy... ;)**

**gilmoregirl1979****: I love the detailed review! I would give out more of them myself if I wasn't so gosh darn LaZy!... YES I AM GO-GO-GETTING! :)**

**gilmorefan1200****: How dare you...THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRAGEDY! Nah ha ha ha, I'm joking! Thanks so much, hope you will continue to think it's funny later... Please keep reading!**

**Allison: I know...I suck at dates. Will be more careful in the future!**

**Chelsea-Lynne : Hee hee hee...what movies should I make them torture Luke with? I'm still thinking on that one...**

**Jinna: Thankyou...thankyou very much. ;)**

**Kay, have fun reading! Happy holidays...**

_Ding-dong!_

Luke stood uncomfortably on the Gilmore's front porch, juggling two paper bags containing coffee and food in one hand, while repeatedly ringing the doorbell. Those Gilmore Girls were never ready on time…they always made him wait. Unless he wasn't ready, and then they forced him to hurry! It was exasperating, but part of the fun all the same. Though he would never admit it, even though he grumbled, Luke knew he would never change a thing.  
"Hello? Is anyone there? Answer the damn door or I'm going ho—"

"LUKIE!"

"Gaaaah! Geez!" Luke dropped one of the paper bags in surprise as the door banged open very loudly, suddenly revealing a maniacally grinning Lorelai. She was wearing a pink sparkly party-hat that matched her little kid pajamas covered with tiny coffee cups, and a pair of fuzzy house slippers. Luke's heart was still pounding, as he stared at her in disbelief a moment later.

"Why, why…what…what is the matter with you?" Lorelai did her famous pout, the one where her whole face got scrunched up and her lower lip stuck all the way out. She knew that he couldn't stay mad when she did that, and to Luke, this was very exasperating, since she always knew all the right buttons to press when it came to manipulating him.

"I was just having a little fun…"

"That was not fun."

"Well…it was fun-ny!" Lorelai smiled up at him, and all of Luke's anger immediately melted away, which vaguely irritated him. He halfheartedly sighed, and leaned down to pick up the paper bag that he had dropped.  
"You know, it's your fault if the burgers are smushed."

"You brought burgers? Oh, goody, we'll have twice the food now!" Luke raised an eyebrow.  
"You mean you have more food?" Lorelai grinned again and nodded, bouncing a little in anticipation, and started dragging him into the house.  
"Come and see!" Tripping over a mismatched pair of sneakers, complete with mismatched socks shoved into them, Luke cautiously made his way into the Gilmore kitchen, keeping his eyes peeled for anything suspicious. So far, though, the only thing that caught his eye was the date on the milk sitting on the counter. It was at least two weeks past the expiration date, and though he was naturally a little picky about his food, being a diner owner and all, Luke felt this was a bit much, considering that the liquid inside was probably lethal by now. Tapping Lorelai's shoulder, and interrupting her from her busy chattering that he had been blocking out of his head, Luke pointed at the milk and opened his mouth.  
"Lor—"

"Oooh, I see you've noticed Bertie!" Luke stood there, staring at the carton of milk. Many thoughts flew through his head, most of them ending with "Crazy lady", or, "huh?"

"Dare I ask why you are now naming your milk?"

"Weeell…the story goes like this: One day, I think it was last Saturday…or, no, maybe it was the week before that. Well anyway, Rory was making a bowl of cereal at midnight, you know, for a midnight snack, not that you ever have them, I'm just saying, but anyway—"

"Get on with it, will you?"

"Geez, hold your horses." Lorelai giggled, her eyes sparkling and making her look extremely pretty. Not that Luke noticed. Nope, she was just like any other annoying, beautiful, blue eyed woman he had ever seen. He was immune to her charms.

"Meanwhile, back to what I was saying. Rory was making herself a bowl of cereal, Captain Crunch I think it was, when all of a sudden she screamed at me that the milk was alive. Now you can imagine what I was thinking, I mean what does any self- respecting mother do when her daughter goes schizoid? But seeing as how Rory usually has a good reason for yelling strange things out of nowhere, unlike me, I decided to see what was going on. I came into the kitchen, and saw Rory staring at what seemed to be a perfectly good carton of milk, like she had seen a ghost. So I asked her what the hell was wrong with the milk, right after I interrogated her to see if she was sleepwalking and sniffed her breath to see if she had been drinking, and she told me it had moved. She screamed at me to look, and right when I looked, the entire milk carton wobbled." Lorelai looked at Luke with an expression that told him she expected him to be awed and amazed at the words coming out of her mouth, and hanging on to her every syllable. Needless to say, he was not too impressed.  
"Could you get on with the story?"

"Okay, okay. So anyway, there I am looking at the wobbly milk carton, moving around all on it's own, and I grab a spatula and proceed to beat the crap out of the milk, while Rory cheers. So the milk falls over, and guess what's under it?"

"What?"

"Guess!"

"What the hell was it?"

"GUESS!"

"Sheesh! Okay…it was Elvis's ghost."

"Well that would have been cool…but no." Luke rolled his eyes, sighing at how exasperating she was.  
"What then?" Lorelai tilted her head and stepped forward. Putting her hands on Luke's shoulders, she stood on her tippy-toes and brought her face very close to his, making his heart skip a beat. She leaned even closer, softly breathing her sweet coffee-breath on his face, and looking into his eyes…

"A GIANT COCKROACH!"

"Geez!" A flustered Luke yelped in surprise for the second time that day, his heart dancing in a very different way then it had been a moment ago, and stumbled into the refrigerator, accidentally knocking down a magnetic picture of Orlando Bloom stuck to the fridge, and a large salt container decorated with hot pink lipstick kisses that had been precariously perched on top of two old boxes of crackers. He could feel his face heating up and turning the color of a cherry tomato, or a bottle of ketchup. Hell, he was blushing a whole lot redder than that, and it wasn't a good thing. Why did he always have to lose his cool around Lorelai? Why was every moment with her so excruciatingly awkward? No scratch that, it wasn't awkward for her at all, because she didn't like him. It was only awkward for Luke. For example right now; she was standing over him giggling while he scrambled to pick up the things he had knocked over in his great moment of stupidity.  
"I'm sorry Luke, did I scare you?"

"No," Luke grunted, "I always slam into refrigerators; it's my hobby."

"Awww…it's okay! Just be careful not to hurt Bertie…because since you stole Bert, she's his replacement." Luke looked at her with a face full of disbelief, and sighed.  
"Oh Lord…is the whole night going to be like this?"

"You bet…and stop with the grumpy-face! You love every bit of it!" _There goes my_ _dignity_…Grunting and climbing up from the floor, Luke wondered what would come next in this interminable night…


	3. Luke Gets A New Hat

**Hi! Okay, I am a bad person: I have been taking forever to update. And let me say this, I'm sorry! But here, here's a chapter right here! **

**Backs away from angry people...**

**And after this chapter, the good part starts. I swear, I will update! sigh there's just so much homework...okay, here's some shout-outs. And I don't really want to put a disclaimer, because probably has one hugely gigantic one for all of us, right? Oh, one more thing; please tell me if there is something I can fix on this fic, because it helps me become a better writer. Just please don't swear at me...(Not that anyone has, I'm just saying.)  
****I will cry! Bye!**

**ShOuT oUtS!**

**muse-of-the-fairies: ****Oh wow, thanks!**

**x.kromediva.x: ****I know...but they will get longer! Thanks! I am obeying your demand right now when I should be sleeping... :)**

**totaltvjunkie: ****Well pretty soon, you won't have to imagine! ThAnKyOu!**

**jAvA cRaZy: ****Oh don't worry, they will!**

**GOThICsOCkMoNKeYs: ****thankyouthankyouthankyou! I love making funny situations for them. Where did you think up your screenname? It sounds like something Lorelai would say randomly to freak out Luke. :P :D :) Hey...that's actually a good idea. Could I do that? 0:)**

**ProFfeSseR: ****jumps up and down laughing delightedly thankyou! I don't know where the hell the milk story came from, but I'm glad you like it!**

**pajo: ****I'm trying to add something about elvis in every chappie...weird, huh? Thanks for reading!**

**gilmoregirl1979: ****I love the detailed reviews. Thanks for the advice (I actually took some of it!), and unfortunataly for you grin Rory will be there...mostly. wink wink I'm Go-Go Getting!**

**BrOwNiEs & JaVaJuNkIeS FoReVeR!**

"Lorelai?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"Why are there sweaters in your freezer?"

"Huh?"

"Sweaters. In. Your. Freezer. Why?"

"Do you really want to know?" Luke sighed and started to take his hat off and run his fingers through his hair, before he remembered that he had not been allowed to bring any head gear as part of the rules. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to know why Lorelai kept her laundry in the freezer, but she would probably tell him anyway whether he liked it or not, now that he had brought the subject up. Besides, even though he hated to admit it to himself, he really did want to know. Damn it.  
"Yeah…okay, just tell me and get it over with."

"Well, it's summer."

"So?"

"Well, what happens during summer?"

"Kirk wears shorts."

"Ew…mental image. Anyway, what else happens?"

"You start bugging me more."

"And what else happens?"

"People get hot."

"Ooh…DIRTY!" Luke turned red and stuttered a little, shoving his hands into his pockets. He hated it when she did that.

"L-lorelai!" She giggled, choking on the ice cube she had been sucking on.

"Okay, I'll just tell you already."

"Thank God!"

"Me and Rory keep them in the freezer because…"

"Yeah?"

"It reminds us of winter. Plus, you can go into town in really hot weather wearing a thick wool sweater, and everyone will think you are crazy and point at you, and you can annoy Taylor a whole lot. It's really a very fun and educational mother-daughter activity."

"Are you serious?"

"Very." Luke shook his head, trying not to smile and failing.

"I knew you were insane."

"Hey!" Lorelai frowned, and twisted behind Luke to drop her half melted ice cube down the back of his flannel shirt, giggling yet again as he hopped around the kitchen swearing, and trying desperately to get it out.

"Damn it, Lorelai…ahh, jeezus, _crap_ that's frigging cold!"

"Ooh, ooh, this is a Kodak moment! Why didn't I think to put a camera in the kitchen?"

CLICK!

"Yay, thanks Rory!" Rory had just gotten home from Lane's, and was holding onto one of the carefully hidden disposable cameras that she and Lorelai had stashed all around the house. The purpose of these was to capture something rarer than Bigfoot; Luke Danes having fun. Admittedly, Luke hadn't really been having fun in this first picture, but you had to admit, it was pretty damn funny.

"Hey Mom…hey birthday boy!" Luke winced, both because the ice cube had somehow gotten trapped in his left flannel sleeve, and because that was the most humiliating nickname he had ever heard. Okay, maybe it wasn't quite as bad as Lorelai calling him "Lukey-sweetie-honey-poo" in front of the whole diner last week when he had refused to sell her coffee, but it was still pretty bad.

"Hi Rory…could you do me a favor and keep your crazy mother away from me?" _Let's hope that never happens_…Rory grinned and grabbed two more fluffy, pointed party hats from her mother's outstretched hands, putting one on and shoving the other at Luke.

"Put it on, Luke!"

"Yeah!" Lorelai made hurry up movements with her hands. "Put it on!" Luke stubbornly shook his head, frowning deeper as he finally shook the ice cube into the sink.

"No! It's sparkly, and, and…fluffy!" Lorelai and Rory gave each other looks of confusion, and Rory shook her head.

"But Lukey…it's blue! Blue is a boy color. I could understand if you didn't want to wear the fluffy pink one, or the one Rory's wearing that says 'party girl', but that one is blue!"

"I don't care how blue it is. For god sakes, it has glitter!"

"But Luuuke…they didn't have one with a flannel print! Just wear the hat…"

"Please, Luke?" Pleaded Rory, trying to look sincere.

"Please, Luke?" Lorelai echoed.

"No!"

"But Luke…Rory picked it out, all by herself, and if you don't put in on you'll hurt her feelings!" Luke glanced at Rory, and she stuck her lower lip out, clasping her hands together and reminding him of a miniature Lorelai begging for coffee. How was he supposed to say no to that?

"Aw, geez…" Seeing that they almost had him convinced, Lorelai started a chant.

"Put it ON! Put it on! Put it ON! Put it on! Ooh…that sounds kinda dirty."

"Mom! That's going too far!" said Rory, making a disgusted face.

"Yeah, it is!" Luke tried to keep from turning red again, seeing as how that's all he had been doing since he got here ten minutes ago. He groaned inwardly as he saw the Gilmore girls give each other a secret look, knowing that it couldn't turn out very well for him. Oh, god…they were both sticking their lower lips out now, clasping their hands together and making high pitched whining noises, like insane java-addicted puppies. Even doing that, Lorelai looked beautiful. They backed him into a corner of the kitchen, where he tripped over a plastic Mickey mouse cup that had been left on the floor. This was starting to get scary.

"Okay, okay I'll wear the hat! Just for the love of God, stop that!" Lorelai solemnly handed him the hat, which he held as far away as possible from him, staring at it like it was a dead rat. Rory rolled her eyes and smiled, loving Stars Hollow. Where else could you get entertainment like this?

"Make him put it on, Mom. I'm gonna go put in the movie, and get the camera ready for when he comes in. With the hat." Luke frowned at Rory, looking murderous.

"You're supposed to protect me, not feed me to the wolves!"

"Tough."

Ten minutes later Luke walked into the Gilmore living room, to be greeted with a happy squeal from Rory, and a flash from the camera. Rubbing the spots from his eyes, Luke pleadingly looked behind him, where Lorelai was standing there grinning her ass off—_Stop thinking about her rear!—_and almost jumping up and down with excitement. He loved seeing her like that, so bubbly and beautiful, but having the elastic cord of the stupid hat biting into his neck dulled the pleasure at watching her.

"Can I take it off now?"

"Awww…"

"Please?" _Oh, God, I just begged her to let me take it off. How pathetic am I?_ Surprised at getting Luke to actually plead to take his party hat off, Lorelai didn't speak for three whole seconds, an eternity in Gilmore time. During those three seconds, she thought about how cute Luke looked in the hat. It was like they were in the twilight zone; Luke was standing there in his typical grumpy Luke pose, looking exactly like he did most days, but he was wearing a sparkly, pointy, blue party hat._ I can't believe I actually got him to put it on!_ He really did look cute, with little soft-looking wavy locks of brown hair curling out from under the hat…wait, where had that come from? _Bad Lorelai, bad, bad Lorelai._ But now that she had noticed one Luke-detail, others came, like they always did. Cute ears, a little pink from embarrassment, cute dimples, cute nose, pretty blue eyes, soft-looking full lips…_What is wrong with me? Stop it! Your gonna freak him out staring at him like that! Think about food…pizza, sandwiches, meatballs, cheez-wiz, whipped cream, ho-ho's, twinkies, milk, redvines, candy, coffee…ooh, coffee; that did it!_

"Okay, let's get the party started! Ooh, dirty."

"Lorelai!"

"Yeah, okay I'll stop."

"Really?"

"Um…probably not." Luke sighed and tried to scratch his head, accedentally knocking the party hat askew. What was next?


	4. Danes Vs Kenny

**I updated! Hallejujah, hallejujah...(not sure if that's spelled right, but who cares!) The next chapter should come sooner; I've just had a major case of writer's block. That coupled with my homework, and the fact that I'm not as obsessed with gilmore girls as Iused to behas had a major effect on my writing. But don't worry, this story will be finished! (With a happy ending, cause I love those.) I would appriciate some ideas for javajunkieness, though...what do you guys want to read? (I already know what you want to read gilmoregirl!) 0o BTW, Sorry, this is kinda a filler chapter cause I can't think.**

**SHoUt OuTs:**

**Spuffyluvr****: heh heh, it _only_ took me a month and a half (rolls eyes in exasperation) ...but the next couple of chappies should be coming along a lot quicker. Thanks!**

**beautifulbutterfly****: Don't worry, I will!**

**GOThICsOCkMoNKeYs****: Yeah I saw the preview...and I also just saw the actual eppisode. It made me so sad...I don't want them to break up!s0b well I think I'm going to put your name in here somewhere, so beware! muah ha ha ha ha thanks for reviewing.**

**gilmoregirl1979****: on the sweater thing: It's just something I like to do in the summer; put clothes inthe freezer (really hot looking ones like a parka or something), and thengo outside and watch the people give me weird looks, since I live in hawaii. What canI say, I'm strange.xD Plus it's nice and cool.And I can freak my friends out when they see clothes in my fridge instead of koolaid. Anyway, your reviews always make me bust out laughing lol thanks! Spring break in a couple weeks, so more L/L coming soon...****SarahRabb705****: thankyouthankyouthankyou!**

**screaming truth****:Thanks! Wat's LP mean?**

**ProFfeSseR****: yeah...poor luke (laughs evily) he sure gets himself into awkward situations. Glad you like!**

**totaltvjunkie****: I can't wait for the javajunkieness to start, either! I'm having some trouble thinking of ideas, though...EVIL HOMEWORK!**

**On With The Story!**

Luke was uncomfortable. Of course, this wasn't anything unusual or anything, but still. The conversation with Rory had started out normal enough…

"Hey, Luke!"

"Hey."

"So…how old are you?" Rory put a sweet angelic expression on her face, smiling sweetly. Until her mom got back from choosing movies, which would be at least 15 minutes according to how carefully Rory had hidden the tape Lorelai desperately wanted Luke to watch, she had Luke all to herself to interrogate. She would start slowly, making her way to the most uncomfortable questions…about how he felt about her Mom. Rory loved playing matchmaker, and she thought that Luke and her Mom would be cute together…maybe walking along a beach at twilight, their fingers entwined and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears as the waves crashed gently in the background, and the moon peeped its way out from behind a frosty cloud…okay, so maybe she shouldn't have borrowed that cheesy Harlequin from Lane, as some of the lines were permanently stuck in her head, and she was starting to imagine Dean coming up to her with a red rose clenched between his teeth…but at least it had given her some incentive to finally do something about the Luke-and-Lorelai situation. Really, it was ridiculous the way they danced around each other, flirting over coffee (over death in a cup according to Luke), and never actually doing anything. Late last night, her Mom had finally after much stuttering and hand-waving asked Rory whether she thought Luke liked her as more then a friend. They had come up with a rather elaborate plan for Rory to "interrogate" Luke to see what he really thought. The next morning after her coffee buzz had vanished as she slept, Lorelai had gotten cold feet and canceled it, threatening to throw away Rory's favorite book if she said anything to Luke. Little did she know that Rory was going to get to the bottom of this once and for all…and that she had hidden all her best books at Lanes, just in case. And when Lorelai came back, she was going to find a whole lot of pillows on the floor for Rory to lay on, and the couch nice and empty for her and Luke. This is gonna be fun…

"Uh…I'm 34...no, wait, today's my stupid birthday. I'm 35."

"Cool! My Mom's 32. You guys aren't that far apart, huh?"

"Uh…yeah. Yeah, right."

"Sooo…" Watching Rory spread a sleeping bag and some pillows on the floor, and feeling uncomfortable again, Luke tried to make a non-weirded out sound, a sound someone would make if they were comfortable and happy, and in a birthday kind of mood.

"_Harrumph_." Rory jumped, dropping a large Tweety-bird pillow.

"Luke?"

"Yes?"

"What was that noise?" Luke shifted on the couch, shrugging uneasily.

"Uh…nothing."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, yeah… _harrumph_." Luke didn't know why he felt so nervous…he just did. Maybe it was because he knew Lorelai was planning to freak him out. Or maybe it was the shifty look in Rory's eyes. What the hell are you thinking, Danes? Rory doesn't look shifty, she looks…she looks… Oh, God.

Meanwhile, Rory was hurriedly trying to think of a way to ask Luke if he liked her mom without freaking him out too much. Maybe she should launch into the story of how she saved a bright orange talking potted petunia from hundreds of evil mini-munchkin Harry Potters in the dream she had had last night, and then work it in from there. _And that _wouldn't_ freak him out?_ Okay, so maybe that was a bad idea. What would happen if she just flat out asked him? He couldn't run…she had locked the deadlock from the inside, and he didn't have a key. Yeah…this could work. It had to; it was the only think she could think of.

"Luke, I have a question. You know when you built the chuppah for my mom? Why did you do that?"

"Uh…uh…because I—"

"Was it because evil Martians threatened to vaporize your favorite hat? Or was it because you desperately wanted to distract mom from the fact that you were starting to turn into a drag queen? Or was it because you were in love with my mom, and wanted to make yourself feel less guilty about the fact that you weren't happy for her and Max? Which one was it, huh? Which one?"

Luke looked around the living room in panic, his eyes resting first on a giant framed picture of Brad Pitt (what was with all the pictures of celebrities in this house?), then on the remote control which was decorated with coffee-mug shaped stickers, and lastly on the giant pile of multicolored junk-food packages, Chinese food cartons, pizza, soda, and coffee precariously stacked on the coffee table. None of these objects helped him at all. Crap.

Rory sighed. "Okay, if you answer truthfully, I won't tell Lorelai, you only have to consume three kinds of junk food, and you can take the hat off."

"Uh…uh…not the first one."

"Okaaay…"

"_Definitely_ not the second one." (A/N: Thank God!)

"So that leaves…" Luke turned red, took a deep breath, and started waving his hands in the air, accidentally hitting his pointed hat a couple of times and knocking it askew.

"I was perfectly happy for them, okay? Perfectly happy. I mean, I even sat with all of Miss Patty's mini-brides, and ate a piece of too-sweet cholesterol-laced cake, and I was happy. Nothing was bothering me at all. I thought Max was a really nice…a really nice…he was a good per…he was, he was…okay, so I hated him. But it was fate. It was fate that I would end up alone, and I knew that, and I thought the chuppah was cool, goddamnit And me and Lorelai are really good friends. She's nice, and she helped me paint my diner, and she trusts me, and she drives me nuts, and she, she—"

"So you like her."

"Wh-wha-what are you talking about? I don't, I don't…okay, maybe." On the last word, Luke's voice cracked, making him wince in embarrassment.

"That's all I wanted to know, you can take the hat off now." Luke hurriedly ripped off the hat, and then sat fidgeting with it in his hands, refusing to look Rory in the eye.

"So…so you won't tell her right?" Rory grinned, and mimed zipping her lips.

"I won't say a word, I promise."

As Luke was trying to pull himself together, and stop his hands from shaking, he heard thundering and off-key singing coming down the stairs. It was either King Kong, The Hulk, or Lorelai.

"Who's ready for a HAPPY-BIRTHDAY-MOVIETHON?" Rory jumped up and cheered, bouncing in excitement and trying unsuccessfully to keep the many hard candies and various starbursts she was sucking on from falling out of her mouth.

"Okay…ladies and gentlemen, I now present tonight's movies: Romeo and Juliet, The princess Diaries, and 16 candles! _Yay_!" Luke looked horrified, which caused Lorelai to almost trip over the bottom stair because she was laughing so hard.

"I'm totally joking, Luke; don't look so freaked. The real movies are five of the greatest Southpark episodes of all time, uncensored, and The Shining." Luke breathed a sigh of relief. Anything was better than love stories, which would just embarrass and depress him.

"Okay, let's watch Southpark first! And Luke, make sure you drink a lot of tea, because you're gonna need the caffeine for tonight. Unless you want to have a cup of coffee…"

"No thanks."

"I knew it. Well let's get this party started!"

An hour later, Luke sat on Lorelai's couch, guffawing at Southpark. This really wasn't so bad after all. In fact, this may have been the funniest thing he had ever seen. These kids sure swore a lot, though. He didn't really think it was suitable for Rory, but considering she was Lorelai's daughter, she probably knew all of the words, anyway.

"So let me get this straight…"

"Luuuke! No talking during the movie!"

"But I have a question!" Sighing, Lorelai paused it, therefore breaking one of the Gilmore movie rules.

"What?"

"Does Kenny die in every episode?"

"_Duh_."

"But how is that even possible?"

Lorelai groaned, and looked at Rory. "Do you want to explain it, or should I?"

"I'll do it. Okay Luke, you have to understand a few things. Kenny always dies, Cartman is obese, Kyle is a big fat Jew, and Stan is slightly more normal than the rest of them. Oh, and Timmy is retarded, Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat are gay, the Chef is perverted, and Cartman hates his kitty. Got it?"

"Yeah…"

"Good. Now on with the show, and if you don't eat at least one piece of junk food and put down that turkey burger, I'll start calling you 'Papa'." Luke sighed and reluctantly began to nibble on a Redvine, not noticing Lorelai's puzzled look...


End file.
